Merry Christmas

I wish everyone a wonderful and blessed Merry Christmas! My dad and Marilyn are on their way, they will pick up Gran and be here by noon and we are going to spend the rest of Christmas day together! I'm so excited that my dad will be here.

It's 6:55am and I'm been up since 6am waiting and watching for Katie to wake up... she's such an early riser. But, no sounds yet. Yesterday was the best day we've had with Katie in weeks so hopefully we ARE on the down side of this and she is getting leveled out.

We really scaled back her Christmas this year but we always get her one gift that is her "big" gift that Santa leaves for her. This year, it's Biscuit. Even though we found Sophie a new home, we still have Hogan and Brinkley - who she adores but sometimes she wants them to play with her and they don't necessarily want to. Well she's been getting us to watch this commercial for three months... so this is her big gift this year.



We had fun getting him set up last night... Don maybe a little more so than me. It's amazing how "real" he is. He's like a little robotic Brinkley... only not as stubborn.

We all have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas... I continue to try and remind myself of that every morning before the chaos of the day sets in. Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone!!

Much love,
LA :)

P.S. This shouldn't be a PS... it should have been at the beginning. One of my favorite things to do on Christmas Eve is to read the first chapter of Max Lucado's: God Came Near. Chapter One is The Arrival. Most of you know that I don't go to church anymore but you know I still have a very strong faith and I rely on that faith a lot. We all need to remember what Christmas is about... here is The Arrival.

"God Came Near"

(Written by Max Lucado)

The Arrival

The noise and bustle began earlier than usual in the village. As night gave way to dawn, people were already on the streets. Vendors were positioning themselves on the corners of the most heavily traveled avenues. Store owners were unlocking the doors to their shops. Children were awakened by the excited barking of the street dogs and the complaints of donkeys pulling carts.

The owner of the inn had awakened earlier than most in the town. After all, the inn was full, all the beds taken. Every available mat or blanket had been put to use. Soon all the customers would be stirring and there would be a lot of work to do.

One's imagination is kindled thinking about the conversation of the innkeeper and his family at the breakfast table. Did anyone mention the arrival of the young couple the night before? Did anyone ask about their welfare? Did anyone comment on the pregnancy of the girl on the donkey? Perhaps. Perhaps someone raised the subject. But, at best, it was raised, not discussed. There was nothing that novel about them. They were, possibly, one of several families turned away that night.

Besides, who had time to talk about them when there was so much excitement in the air? Augustus did the economy a favor when he decreed that a census should be taken. Who could remember when such commerce had hit the village?

No, it is doubtful that anyone mentioned the couple's arrival or wondered about the condition of the girl. They were too busy. The day was upon them. The day's bread had to be made. The morning's chores had to be done. There was too much to do to imagine that the impossible had occurred.

God entered the world as a baby.

Yet, were someone to chance upon the sheep stable on the outskirts of Bethlehem that morning, what a peculiar scene they would behold.

The stable stinks like all stables do. The stench of urine, dung, and sheep reeks pungently in the air. The ground is hard, the hay scarce. Cobwebs cling to the ceiling and a mouse scurries across the dirt floor.

A more lowly place of birth could not exist.

Off to one side sit a group of shepherds. They sit silently on the floor, perhaps perplexed, perhaps in awe, no doubt in amazement. Their night watch had been interrupted by an explosion of light from heaven and a symphony of angels. God goes to those who have time to hear him -- so on this cloudless night he went to simple shepherds.

Near the young mother sits the weary father. If anyone is dozing, he is. He can't remember the last time he sat down. And now that the excitement has subsided a bit, now that Mary and the baby are comfortable, he leans against the wall of the stable and feels his eyes grow heavy. He still hasn't figured it all out. The mystery event puzzles him. But he hasn't the energy to wrestle with the questions. What's important is that the baby is fine and that Mary is safe. As sleep comes he remembers the name the angel told him to use ... Jesus. "We will call him Jesus."

Wide awake is Mary. My, how young she looks! Her head rests on the soft leather of Joseph's saddle. The pain has been eclipsed by wonder. She looks into the face of the baby. Her son. Her Lord. His Majesty. At this point in history, the human being who best understands who God is and what he is doing is a teenage girl in a smelly stable. She can't take her eyes off him. Somehow Mary knows she is holding God. So this is he. She remembers the words of the angel. "His kingdom will never end."

He looks like anything but a king. His face is prunish and red. His cry, though strong and healthy, is still the helpless and piercing cry of a baby. And he is absolutely dependent upon Mary for his well-being.

Majesty in the midst of the mundane. Holiness in the filth of sheep manure and sweat. Divinity entering the world on the floor of a stable, through the womb of a teenager and in the presence of a carpenter.

She touches the face of the infant-God. How long was your journey!

This baby had overlooked the universe. These rags keeping him warm were the robes of eternity. His golden throne room had been abandoned in favor of a dirty sheep pen. And the worshiping angels had been replaced with kind but bewildered shepherds.

Meanwhile, the city hums. The merchants are unaware that God has visited their planet. The innkeeper would never believe that he has just sent God into the cold. And the people would scoff at anyone who told them the Messiah lay in the arms of a teenager on the outskirts of their village. They were all too busy to consider the possibility.

Those who missed His Majesty's arrival that night missed it not because of evil acts or malice; no, they missed it because they simply weren't looking.

Little has changed in the last two thousand years, has it?

Merry Christmas Eve

Seemingly, I'm much better than I was yesterday. Katie is doing MUCH better and hopefully on her way to being leveled out again. I woke up this morning at 5:45 and got up and went to Walmart, Target, Best Buy and Kroger. Mainly just getting a few little small things like stocking stuffers and then of course groceries.

There weren't many people out... it was still dark when I got to Walmart. That's the only time I can tolerate Walmart is when it's almost deserted. By the time I was heading home at 9am... it was starting to get crazy.

I'm starting to look forward to tonight... it will just be the three of us tonight. Then tomorrow morning, just the three of us but then my dad, Marilyn and Gran will get here about noon. Dad and Marilyn are coming from Florida and are going to get Gran on their way in.

I'm thankful that my dad is healthy for now and that we will be spending Christmas together! I'm thankful that Katie is doing better and as a result - all three of us are doing better! I'm thankful for many things and most of all... I'm thankful that I'm happy again that it's Christmas.

LA :)

Where are you Christmas spirit?

I am trying so very hard to get in the Christmas spirit, find the Christmas spirit... let the Christmas spirit find me!

This past year has been sooooo very difficult and trying! We've been through so much with Katie, caring for my grandmother (finding her a facility, getting her condo cleaned out and the long, long process of working with the VA and State of Tennessee to try and come up with all the necessary funds for her care), my father fighting for his life battling a horrible diagnosis, loosing my little Maggie...

Then there is the stress that the REST of the world is dealing with (not just us) that also concern us... the economy, health care (our health insurance is horrible), the status of being self-employed right now and just the overall state of EVERYTHING.

Don and I watched this "Year In Review" program last night and it was going over all the things that happened in 2008 that were really newsworthy. Whether the stories were uplifting or troubling reminders... it made me stop and realize how much I have to be thankful for. I try to remind myself daily... but it looses it's hold quicker by the day.

We scaled Christmas WAY back this year because of the economy. That isn't why I can't find joy... "buying things" is fun at Christmas but it isn't what Christmas is about.

We have a nine year old... I should be full of joy... it's CHRISTMAS! Time for singing beautiful Christmas songs that I love so much, watching great Christmas movies old and new, baking cookies... looking forward to Christmas Day with my dad, Marilyn and Gran...

But I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to grasp the joy! I wont give up... there is still 36 hours to go until Christmas morning... maybe it will happen.

LA

It's Already The Middle of December!!!

I can't believe it!! We've all been sick at the same time or one at a time since before Thanksgiving... it's been so yucky!! We did manage to get our tree up last weekend... we have really scaled down our Christmas this year. Some on purpose because of the economy and some not on purpose - we've not gotten to do near what we'd hoped with friends and family because of being so sick. *sigh*

Well, we still have 11 Days, 12 Hours, 27 Minutes so hopefully we will manage to pack in some fun stuff before the big day!! :)

Visit my friend Courtney's blog and leave a comment! She's doing a really nice thing.

We spent the evening last night with Gran. It's her 86th birthday... can't believe it! We took her a new TV because her old one finally just gave out. I had to go shopping and get her all new winter clothes and a coat because she's lost so much weight - her clothes were HUGE on her. So we descended on her like an early Santa and made her so happy.



We took her to Cracker Barrel for dinner. There are not a lot of choices in Rockwood, TN. But, we told the waitress it was her 86th birthday and they brought her a BIG dessert when we finished dinner and a lot of the waitstaff and the whole section of the restaurant we were in sang happy birthday to Mary! She got tears in her eyes and blew kisses at the end. It was so sweet.

It gets harder and harder to visit though sometimes. It took her a few minutes to recognize us last night. That is hard! Once she connected though - it was fine.

When we were leaving her, the nurse, Diane was going into her room to give her the nighttime meds and Diane said "Ms. Mary - did you have fun with your family?" and I heard my grandmother's voice break and she said "Oh, gosh it was just the nicest evening... it meant so much!"

So, of course, I cried all the way out to the car. In some ways, I miss her being "here" so much... here in Knoxville. We use to talk every day... until she started getting sick and then those talks grew harder and harder. Then all we did was worry about her living alone.

Outliving your mind is not a pleasant thing!

We are fixing to make some big changes with Katie. She is really struggling in school as I stated in an earlier posting. Kids are beginning to be very cruel to her. She is learning at a good pace - that is good but she is struggling more and more in the mainstream classroom. The majority of her quality work is done when she is working in the special ed classroom in a smaller group with more individualized assistance. Cedar Bluff doesn't have a CDC classroom... basically a full time special ed classroom so she is probably going to have to change schools. She has made some good friends and all the staff at Cedar Bluff knows and loves Katie dearly so this will be a big change.



Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. She's the bravest little girl I know! Even though she's been having such a hard time with her peers lately... she gets up every morning enthusiastic about going to school. But she told her teacher the other day that "she wished people would quit reminding her that she was a 3rd grader because sometimes her brain felt like she was still in kindergarten"... what kind of child who is struggling can be self-aware enough to make that analysis?

We just want what is best for her and what's best for her future!

LA :)

A Change Of Plans

Raising Katie is a joy but it definitely comes with challenges and heartbreak. Today we will be having another meeting at her school to discuss her future. She is really struggling socially and academically being in the mainstream classroom. I'm asking for your prayers and support as we make a very difficult decision... one that will hopefully be best for Katie but it breaks my heart!

I came across the following this morning and it brought tears to my eyes because it fit how I was feeling... just keep in mind that Don and I did know that we would be raising a child with multiple special needs... we did know.


From Jan
12/3
WELCOME TO HOLLAND

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Sophie

Well, outside of my poor husband having pneumonia now, our house is a little more sane and quiet.

We found Sophie a wonderful new home. She was never "suppose" to be with us... she was for my grandmother in North Carolina. I got her at my mom's request when their 14 year old Maltese, Molly passed away. My grandmother said NO... she didn't want another dog. We already had Sophie. We took her back because Katie was already so attached to her. So for the past two years, we've had Maggie (until this past March), Brinkley and Hogan.

For some bizarre reason, I looked at Craigslist Monday night under the "pets" section. Not that I was looking for us mind you... but there was an ad "Wanted: Cute house dog for a little girl".

Turns out that this little girl is 10 years old and lost her father a year ago. This family took in a stray dog 10 months ago and three months later the owner showed up. They were heartbroken.

The older, married sister is the one who placed the ad. We wrote emails back and forth, I sent pictures of Sophie and after being convinced that Sophie would be loved and have a good home... she went to her new home yesterday.

It was sad because we loved Sophie but we also felt sure she was going to a good home.

I got an email from the older sister this morning. They are totally in love with Sophie. She slept in bed with the younger sister last night and that is her new bed. She is being smothered with love and attention and my heart is very happy!!

LA :)

Thanksgiving Wishes

Make a Smilebox greeting

Thanksgiving With Gran

Victorian Square had their Thanksgiving dinner for all the residents and their families last night. It was such a nice evening! With me having gone to North Carolina and then Katie having pneumonia, we had not seen Gran in three weeks. I was so worried that she wouldn't recognize us because that has been happening lately... where it takes her a minute to register who we are. But, that wasn't the case at all!



We had a lovely evening with her and enjoyed it all. They has "Ms. Rockwood" singing hymns and her mother played the piano. It was funny because my grandmother was "Ms. Rockwood" in 1938 when she was 16 years old. She enjoyed singing the hymns and I enjoyed watching her and it brought back a lot of memories of having gone to church with her over my lifetime.



Don and I did so good sticking to our new way of eating! We are not calling it a diet because it's for the rest of our lives and who wants to be on a "diet" the rest of their lives!? We ate what we knew we could and steered clear of the rest!



Our entire weekend has been so nice! I went to a class at Scrapbooks & More with Lisa yesterday morning and it's always great hanging out with her!

Then today, I had a lesson at the farm with Mike and Belle! I learned some great new stuff! Don is going to be working with him on his new gig with the Bureau of Land Management and the mustang project. Looks like we will be going to Tunica, MS sometime the first of the year to film and photograph a mustang adoption clinic that he will be doing for the BLM. Never been to Mississippi so at least I will be able to check that state off my "never been to" list, right!?

LA :)

The Magic Bullet

Isn't everyone it seems looking for "the magic bullet" or the solution to their weight loss efforts? I know I've spent my entire adult life looking for that solution. I tried every diet known to man and after reaching an astounding 333 pounds on a 5'3" frame and having suffered from high blood pressure for two years - on December 27, 2006, I had Gastric Bypass surgery. It was not the "magic bullet" and it was not the easy way out.

I had complications which were serious and they caused me emotional difficulty in adjusting to my new life. I developed a horrible gagging reflex and couldn't down food, liquid protein, etc without gagging or throwing up.

Between being in the hospital an additional two weeks and then this ongoing gagging difficulty - I dropped a dramatic 60-70 pounds the first four months. The first two months, because of being so sick, I had limited activity and lost a lot of muscle tone.

It was hard! I had to fight very hard to get in control of my life, get stronger and make this thing worth it and it took until May 2007 for me to feel like it was worth it.

And last year at Thanksgiving, I was wearing a size 14/16 depending on the clothes and I weighed 189. Everyone was constantly telling me how wonderful I looked, how proud they were of me... almost to the point that I became uncomfortable. I know that sounds odd... everyone loves compliments but I was still embarrassed at the extreme 333 I had come from.

I took my daughter to Disney for her 8th birthday and I out walked, out lasted and out played (no survivor pun there) my skinny, energetic ADHD child all over the place. We had a blast though and I did things that I never could have done before.

I was riding my horse Belle and loving EVERY second of that! It was one of the big motivators to me loosing weight!

I was kayacking in Hilton Head, hiking in the mountains, biking on the beach, boogie boarding, swimming better than ever before, walking 3 miles a day four days a week... getting tons of exercise at the farm.

Then BAM! My life got hard again. Excuses time...My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma that spread to his lymph nodes and began the fight of his life. At this same time, my grandmother became incapable of living alone anymore and with my dad so sick, her care and sale of her home became my sole responsibility. And...

Katie is the total ADORATION of my life but every day is a fight for her or a fight with her to keep her level and on track and motivated to be more than all her medical professionals say she can be! I was trying to complete the photography program at UT and get my photography business up and going... it's totally stalled. My eBay business is totally stalled (on purpose). Thank goodness I still have quite a few bookkeeping clients, including a brand new one this week. I think I need to trim the pork off my life activities... where are those John McCain pork knives he promoted on SNL the Saturday night before the election?

So BAM! I didn't have brain surgery - I still had the same brain, same emotions and same way of thinking. I'm horrible at making excuses, putting anything health related off until tomorrow...I'm horrible at having a REALLY BAD day for whatever reason and making the solution... "I know, let's get carryout from a restaurant that has far too many calories - even if you are only eating half a portion and worst of all - eating in front of the TV... but it will make us feel better and we will relax".

I've know that I was spiraling... making excuses... "Why bust my butt to go futher? I can do anything I want to do now, I feel great, so much more healthy than 'before', I can shop for clothes in almost any store now wearing pretty nice clothes, I can wear boots without them being special ordered wide calf boots, I can ride my horse, I'm only one size larger than the average American woman, I have a hard time 'making time' to exercise and plan healthy meals, I love food too much to get to my goal and stay there, I can't get my husband motivated, blah, blah, blah!" I developed complacency and "why bother when I'm already healthier than before" attitudes.

I had tried and failed numerous times to do a 5 Day Pouch Test Diet, that essentially resets your tummy back to where it was several months post-op. I had tried and failed. I went to see my mom in NC for her birthday and she was nice enough to sacrifice her birthday to do the 5 day pouch test with me.

Well, she helped get me through the first three days and I finished up the last two. The first two are liquid and that's the really tough part. It helped drastically! Thank you so much Mom!

So, when I left for my mom's the first of November, I had gotten back up to 203. I couldn't believe that I'd let it happen. I SWORE that I would never leave "one"derland again!! Yet, there I was!! I immediately started seeing myself as before. I'd take off clothes and they looked HUMONGOUS to me!

As of this morning, I'm now back to 198... I thought it was lower but I saw my doctor yesterday and according to her scale... I probably was higher than the 203 the first of November. *sigh* Again I will say, "NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE OVER 200!!"

Making the choice to have WLS is hard. IT IS NOT THE EASY WAY OUT! It's a tool to try and regain control for people who have tried and failed. They tell you going in that it is a tool. You have to make the necessary emotional, health and lifestyle adjustments to have long term results. They tell you that the WLS will only somewhat guarantee getting 75% of your excess body weight off. That's almost exactly to the pound what it did.

Then the realization hit... "when the time came for it to become my part and my responsibility to finish the journey and hit my goal... my part failed". That was very, very hard to come to terms with.

So, very long story short, I started watching The Biggest Loser on that birthday diet weekend with my mom. I came back so motivated that I re-watched the episodes with Don until we got current with this weeks episode.

Good news is - he's more motivated than I have ever seen him! We are fixing to celebrate our 17th anniversary and we've known each other 19 years! That's a long time!!!

The even better news is - we got each other our Christmas presents 45 days early. No little package under the tree for us this year. Don's came on Friday and mine came Monday afternoon.


sorry for the long post....


We first saw these little devices on The Biggest Loser. The show never talked about them that we saw but we started searching on the internet! Bingo! Found it, researched it and ordered it!!

Man, if I would have known that an little electronic gadget would motivate my dear husband Don the way it has... I would have been searching AGES ago for this thing. Best part, it's MAC and %$#@#, I mean PC compatible. Don was at the doctor yesterday too and has lost 7+ pounds since his October 16 visit. Go Don!!

So, this thing has really opened my eyes to how truly hard it's going to be to do this and another thing... I got so use to weight literally falling off me... that is no longer going to be the case. Wearing this is a constant reminder through the day on where you are... makes you think twice before putting something in your mouth.



I wanted to set my goal at 140. My family doctor has other plans. From the beginning, before my surgery, she set it at 160 and said we'd re-evaluate then. So for now, it's 160 and it's going to take a while. My WLS surgeon put my goal at 130-140 and said I would need to have 10 pounds of skin removed. That ain't happening. I never did this to be a 41 year old model or get into a bikini... I did it to get my life back.

I'm only suppose to loose 1-1.5 pounds a week. This is going to be hard because after my WLS, good or bad, pounds just fell off me. I worked hard but nothing like I'm going to have to now! Pounds aren't going to fall off and it's going to take weeks for a five pound loss and I got use to a five pound loss being a weekly thing.

I've actually been emailing back and forth with one of the current Biggest Losers from the Families season. They have been such and inspiration and so supportive via email and a total fan of the Body Bugg and giving me tips.

I had gotten addicted, seriously addicted to Mentos.

MENTOS!!! Those stupid little candies have 10 calories each. A box has 24 pieces - translation 240 calories, not to mention the carbs and I was eating two boxes a day! ARGGHHH!!! Mindless chewing and eating while working, watching TV.... MENTOS!!!

Gum! I've got to become a gum chewer! I think that will help with my ridiculous addition to fruity candy. Before my WLS, it was Skittles! No more!!

So, the Body Bugg... you have a personal coach the first three months via phone and internet. She works with you, along with the advise of your doctor to determine your goals and how to use this little gadget.

I have not had my initial consult with her yet. They like for you to have a weeks worth of data first... so just in how I set it up after talking to my doctor... Goal is: 160 pounds by June 2009. That is a weight loss of 38 pounds at approximately 1.5 pounds a week. So, it put my caloric intake at 1600. I have to have a caloric deficit of 750 calories daily.

My Body Bugg measures my caloric burn from 6am - 11pm daily. It measures my level of activity, the steps I take, the calories that I am burning per minute at any given time and if you are good at tracking your calories via whatever method... you know exactly where you are all day long.

Right now, I'm negative. I had an Thomas Light Wheat English Muffin for breakfast with poached egg, canadian bacon and cheese, 8 oz. of water and 16 oz. of coffee (I KNOW!!!) AND a piece of Extra Sugar Free gum. The caloric intake was 284.

I walked for 20 minutes this morning, uphill all the way and I've burned 986 calories since 6am, walked 2908 steps, etc.

Your daily goals show up on your meter display. If I didn't have the meter display, I would not know until I synced with computer tonight where I stood. But, my meter shows me that my specific goals for calorie intake, calorie burn, minutes of moderate activity level, steps, etc.

So, throughout the day today, I will know exactly where I am in meeting my goals.

Yesterday was a sad, sad day of realization. I worked my butt off at the farm with Belle. I ran, I did a lot of work with her. Then I pushed myself like never before on the treadmill last night walking 3 miles and most of it at a 4.0 incline. Then I did steps and then I did pull ups using the bars on the treadmill. I burned FAR, FAR over my goal of calories to burn and walked 13,889 steps but blew it when it came to the things I put in my mouth.

I did good breakfast and lunch. At the end of lunch, I was only at 520 calories. Then, BAM! Mentos, and a chocolate carmel and pineapple filet. WHAMMY, I blew my deficit goal. I only had a deficit of 420. As hard as I worked, I should have had a deficit of 1000 and I would have had it not been for Mentos, caramel and a steak instead of chicken or fish!

Well, after the longest posting EVER... I'm done! I have appreciated the love and support so much of my family and friends the past two years with my weight loss journey and keeping a journal online. I would appreciate the ongoing support. Because even though I have this nifty little gadget, it's still going to be all up to me and I don't have the best track record.

Ending on a positive note though... I had two packages of Mentos in my car and this morning on my way to a client's - I stopped at a gas station and threw them in the trash can and went inside and got 5 calorie a piece sugarless gum.

By next summer, with Mike's wonderful help (have I mentioned how awesome he is with horses?), I intend to be riding my beautiful horse bareback. That's going to require a big improvement in my upper body strength and a HUGE strengthening of my core!



It's all about goals and today, is the start of something new! Like my new favorite song..."It's A New Day"!!

LA :)

I promise

to blog tonight or in the morning about the "bugg"! I've gotten a lot of emails asking me about it!

I had a very long talk today with my family doctor! I will be blogging about that and the bugg... promise!

Thanks for the interest!

Love,
LA :)

One of my favorites got eliminated

I was so sad... in tears actually! Coleen was eliminated from The Biggest Loser last night! She's 15 years younger than me but has been such an inspiration! Her determination in workouts was over the top. I will be anxious to see her progress at the season finale!!

Throwing Down The Gauntlet

gaunt·let 1 also gant·let (gôntlt, gänt-)
n.
A challenge: throw down the gauntlet; take up the gauntlet.


So, here is the deal! I used this blog from December 27, 2006 until last Thanksgiving to chronicle my weight loss journey and it helped me to be accountable for loosing the 144 pounds that I lost!

But then what happened? I got into size 14/16 clothes which I had not done as an adult! I was doing things that I never thought I'd do. My trainer was telling me I was fine riding Belle at my current weight! I felt great! I still had a love for food... so why kill myself to go any further...?

Well, after a year of making excuses I am fed up with myself! I had weight loss surgery and could have died as a result of complications and yeah, I'm a heck of a lot better or now than I was two years ago... but I'm still considered obese! I may be a size 14/16 and 14 maybe the size of the average American woman but still being considered obese when I went through what I went through just wont do!

I've told friends and family for a year... if I could just get to 180 or sometimes I'd say 175... going on to say "I may make it to my goal weight but I wont stay there... I love food too much"!

ARGGHHHH!!! What is wrong with me!? Loving food too much is what put me in critical condition with complications from Gastric Bypass Surgery! Love food too much!!

So, it's taken me an entire month to get psyched - mentally! It took my mom helping me do that dog gone 5 day pouch diet (on her birthday no less) that I'd tried and failed at 5 times before. It took me getting totally hooked on The Biggest Loser and seeing their determination and dedication to truly changing their lives...

So it's on! I'm done making excuses! I will not gain weight during Thanksgiving! I will not gain weight during Christmas! I will loose weight between now and January 1, 2009. Forget New Years Resolutions! I have a "right now resolution"!!

I will exercise every day because I have total accountability again with my husband, my blog, my family, my friends and my new BUGG!

I'll blog about it (the "Bugg") tomorrow!

LA :)

Katie Is Better... Finally!

She still didn't go to school today but hopefully she will be back tomorrow. Fever is gone but the cough lingers... you know with pneumonia that is typically the case!

I hate it when she is sick... especially when she is really sick. She has a harder time than the average person of fighting illness. Hopefully things are almost back to normal.



Gizmo has turned out to be such a great little cuddle buddy. He loves Katie... at least he loves Katie when she isn't trying to "make" him do something!



If she would just relax and read her books, play with her little electronic games - just hang out... this is what Gizzie does... he loves it!!











He is so lovey!! He has the loudest purr box EVER and he loves to hunt his toys and bring them to you and drop them at your feet! Thank goodness so far - it's only been toys and nothing "alive".

He has a leopard fur string with feather toy that he LOVES! The other night - Don was at a wedding and "clink, clank, noises coming up through the dark house..." It was Gizzie dragging that dog gone leopard fur toy up to our bedroom!

Turns Out...

that Katie has pneumonia! Bless her heart... Dr. Y felt so bad that she didn't do an xray on Wednesday but her cough was dry and raspy then so she didn't think for a minute that it was pneumonia.



She has gotten on average... like two hours of sleep every night this week. She's exhausted and so are we. At least she is home and not in the hospital. The pneumonia is only in the bottom part of her right lung so at least it didn't get worse... because anything like this is far worse with Katie than the typical child.

She got some neat surprises delivered to her today... it really brightened her spirits. She's never gotten balloons and flowers and stuffed animals delivered except on birthdays... THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! It was funny - the guy from West Knox Florist called me at 3:40 and said "I have another delivery... do you think there is anyone else that may place an order for your house today?" He'd already been here earlier.

We have wonderful family and friends!

LA :)

It's WAY too early for this!!!

I have one sick little girl this week!! I know I was fighting off something yucky last weekend and I took some of Don's left over antibiotics (I know, I know!) and amazingly for me - fought it off!

Not so lucky for Katie! She is sick! Yucky, coughing her head off, feels like total crap sick! She's running a fever, coughing so bad she isn't sleeping well at all... and to top it all off - she's coming off one of her "I can't sleep" cycles... so the poor kid is exhausted. She has puffy eyes and purple circles!



I want her to feel better!!

I'm already fighting a serious case of the winter blahs! That really makes me sad! It's only November 12th. Usually, I don't get the winter blahs until January, after Christmas when winter really feels like it has set in.

But, it's been cloudy and gloomy all week since Sunday and with her sick - it's just ... for lack of a better word.... YUCKY!

Such An Inspiration

It took me a while to get into this show. I've been stuck for an entire year now... averaging right around 192-195. Here is one of the people who is inspiring me to get my butt in gear and get the rest of this done...

Amy P. from Greenville, SC. She showed such determination on the show and she and her husband have a young child with special needs that led to a lot of their late night "emotional eating"... I can totally identify with that hurdle.

Such A Great Day With Family

Okay, so yesterday I totally felt like I was getting sick. I'm just run down because I've been going non-stop since before our trip to Key Largo - with full days every day and then I had my great trip to North Carolina last weekend.

But we had plans with Don's family this weekend and I was so determined not to miss out and I'm so glad that I took enough cold medicine and antibiotics to stay on top of it enough to have been a part of the fun last night and today!!

Mom, Joyce, Robin (Don's cousin), her fiance, David and her two sons, Blake (8) and Hunter (6) came down yesterday and we had dinner at Outback last night! Guess who picked the restaurant? Katie! You know her and those Outback Kookabura Wings! Well, she instantly hit it off with Blake and Hunter! We had a great time at dinner!

We got back together today and Joyce took the kids to Toys R Us and gave them each a little shopping spree. She let them pick out any toy (within a certain budget) that they wanted. Katie was quite thrifty and shopped the entire store and came away with four boxes of toys - she got this Animal Planet electronic encyclopedia thing that has add on's of all kinds of groups of animals!

Then Don took Joyce, Mom, Robin and David to the mall to help Joyce pick out a new computer! Guess where!? Like any good Apple junkie... the Apple store of course. Joyce now has a 20" iMac on it's way to her house.



While they went to the mall - I took the kids to the park! It was such a nice day and we had so much fun!!



Katie, Blake & Hunter had such a great time at the park. Katie was a pro at the monkey bars and that made Blake and Hunter determined to get all the way across and they did!!



I haven't been around Blake and Hunter before last night but I already just love them! They are great little guys! So well behaved and they were just great with Katie! They looked after her and treated her like a sister! She's going to enjoy having these cousins in her life!



When they got done at the mall - we met back up together at the hotel and the kids quickly changed and hit the pool! They were staying at the Holiday Inn Select which has a very nice indoor pool. That's where we spent the rest of the day! The kids swam and played their hearts out! I think GrandSue did too! ;)



Katie has a Grandmom (my mom) and Grandma (Dad's wife, Marilyn) and a Gran and she and we had been referring to Sue as Grandma Sue and I didn't like that. It sounded impersonal. But this week when we told Katie that Grandma was coming down, she said "which one". So, today Katie came up with GrandSue. And Sue seemed to like it so GrandSue it is.



I think everyone got hungry so Joyce got serious about ordering some serious food! She got like five pizzas, breadsticks, several orders of wings - a ton of food! The kids were very happy! Katie of course dove into the wings!



I think since Robin has two boys - she enjoyed being around Katie and since we have no boys - I loved being around Blake and Hunter. I'm so happy that with Sarah and Jacob half way around the world - Katie has some family in her life that is her age again!! Katie really enjoyed Robin too!



We also really enjoyed getting to know David! He has a great sense of humor and is so laid back and easy going! I'm excited for he and Robin and them starting their life together!



I am so thankful that we've moved past hard feelings and being hurt. I know that after having spent some special times together - especially now with the kids that none of us will let things separate us again in the future. Family is too important and I'm thankful that we've reconnected! It was a great weekend together and I'm looking forward to more great times very soon!

LA :)

This would be me on the bobcat!

It was like learning to drive a funky stick shift all over again but I got the hang of it!!

 

Did I Mention The Angry Bull?

 

This would be the beast!

Such A Great Time With My Family

So, today I had a great day with my family in North Carolina. It was not easy getting here - but once I did - it was a great day! I drove a bob cat and moved a pile of dirt, I drove a big John Deere tractor AND I hung out with a VERY angry holstein bull that weighs about 2500 pounds. Good stuff!!

Seriously - these things were all fun but the best part was all the laughter!

 

And guess what I found out?

They actually paint some of these PINK!!! :)


 

See, I am meant to live on a farm!

 

Love Is...

This was taken from Don's blog yesterday....

Love Is........

How do you define love? Is it something you can see? Something you can touch? Or is it just a feeling? Many say it is none of the above but merely a state of mind. I say it something you can touch, something you can see. You just have to look in the right place and open you mind. How do I know this, read on:

We are in Key Largo, FL spending a week here with Katie while she is doing dolphin assisted therapy. We did this 3 years ago and are kicking ourselves for not coming back sooner. Anyway, the first time we were here, Katie spent the week with a wonderful dolphin named Squirt and her calf Fiji. We could tell that something special was going on from the moment Katie got on the platform to get in the water. She could not wait and had no fear of being next to the dolphins.

That week was a wonderful and magical time. You could see the bond that Katie made with Squirt and the entire staff at Island Dolphin Care. The high point of the week was on Wednesday. You see, the dolphin will only do what the trainer on the platform tells them to do. They are trained that way. It is a safety issue of course. Well, half way through her time in the water that day, Katie, in loudest voice said, “I love you Squirt, you’re my best friend”. Squirt stopped in the water half way between the platform the trainer was on and where Katie was. She looked at the trainer then back to Katie. Leeann and I were confused as to what was going on, but the trainer just nodded her head yes and Squirt swam over and gave a Katie a kiss.
Not a big deal you say, well it is. You see that had only happened one, let me repeat that ONE other time at Island Dolphin Care. Everyone who saw it was in tears and when the trainer told us how special that was, Leeann and I both started to cry.
We have always said that Katie has a special connection to animals. Look at her room, it looks like stuffed animal kingdom in there sometimes. You should see her at the farm with the horses, it’s almost like she talks to them at times. But this, this was so different.



Well, that was three years ago. We had been trying for the past 3 years to go back but the timing was never right. This year everything fell into place and we were able to make it back. It worked out well since this is Katie’s fall break, so no school was missed. One thing we were worried about was if Katie would remember much about the dolphins or if the dolphins would remember Katie. We weren’t sure she would even get to be with Squirt this time. Much to our surprise, Katie remembered it all the moment she walked in the door. She remembered the tanks in the lobby, she remembered where the dolphins were at and couldn’t wait to get to them. But most of all, she was going to be with Squirt again.

Katie got in the water with Squirt and she was right at home. But the minute she said, “Squirt, I love you”, Squirt knew just who Katie was. The trainer, Wendy, looked at us and said “now I remember her and so does Squirt”. She wasn’t kidding either. It was almost like Katie was one of her own calf’s. Squirt could not get close enough to Katie. She was always checking on how Katie was doing, where she was and allowing Katie to touch her and hold her in places she won’t let others. Even the owners of the facility came out to watch and talked about the bond between Katie and Squirt.

That bond is so strong that today the trainer and the therapist in the water with Katie just let them do their own thing. Katie would ask if she could do something and the trainer would give a quick hand signal and that was it. They danced in the water together, Squirt took Katie around the lagoon a couple of times and they both laughed and smiled together. It was almost like they were meant to be with each other.

Tomorrow, they are going to allow Squirt to dive with Katie. Only two other kids have ever done this before. Katie is in here element here. Katie is truly happy here and in the water with Squirt.

I have attached a photo of the two of them dancing in the water. Look at it with the mind of a child, look at it with the mind of a parent who wants nothing but the best for their child and I know you will see LOVE. But, most of all, you will know that for this week, Katie can touch love. And for this week, love is named SQUIRT.

Island Dolphin Care

It was an amazing day today! If it’s possible, I think I truly forgot how magical this experience was three years ago. We are back in Key Largo, FL at Island Dolphin Care, doing Dolphin Assisted Therapy for Katie. I don’t think this could have come at a better time either. Katie has really hit a rough patch and is really struggling.

She is struggling in school both academically and socially. She is struggling with her increasing frustration level. She is having sleep disturbances again. It’s been a tough couple of weeks leading up to this trip. We’ve been working closely with her teachers and therapists but nothing has been working.



But, once she eased into the lagoon off the floating dock today and made her first contact with Squirt, the same dolphin she swam with three years ago… nothing else in life really seem to matter that much… at least for the hour this morning.



The dolphin trainer, Wendy, is convinced that after a few minutes with Katie, that Squirt actually had recognition for Katie. Three years ago, on Wednesday, Katie told Squirt “I love you, Squirt, you are my best friend” and Squirt looked at Wendy for permission and swam over to Katie and gave her a kiss. Squirt has only done that on one other occasion.



Katie actually got to do the dorsal swim unassisted today and because Wendy is convinced of the connection between Squirt and Katie and feels that Squirt loves Katie as well… she may get to do some things unassisted this week.



Squirt had a baby calf 7 weeks ago and she’s a tiny one. They haven’t even named her yet… they actually just found out this weekend that she’s a female. Deena, one of the owners, wants to name the baby Lotus, for the Lotus Petal in Egypt and there is a whole story to that but once she told Katie the story behind the name – Katie is going to help Deena convince the rest of the staff that the baby dolphin should be named Lotus.



Don and I got to spend more time today than we did the entire week in 2005 with Peter and Deena. They are the owners and they are amazing people with an incredible, inspiring story.



We met a couple of really nice families. One from upstate New York and one from Switzerland. When we were here in 2005, we didn't meet any of the families. They weren't very open to chatting and we had Gran with us. When we got to the facility this morning, the family from Switzerland was already there and the mom seemed so nice and friendly so I walked over to her and started chatting and she said "no englis". Oh! Shoot! But then the dad started talking to me in moderately good english and so I was chatting up a storm with him. Don later informed me that he thinks the guy was just smiling and nodding at a lot of what I said in my fast, southern chatty style. Well, he was very pleasant and nice even if that was the case.

They are having a big cookout on Wednesday for the families which is something that they didn't do when we were here before so maybe we will bridge that communication barrier then! They seemed so nice!

I almost can’t even put into words how special this place is. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the week holds.

I hope some of our family will get to experience this someday. I know Katie's three grandmother's and her other great grandmother would love seeing her with the dolphins. I know my dad would love it! Anyone who loves Katie would love being here!

LA :)

PS - Here is our view out our living room or master bedroom in our condo... our condo that we got at a VERY reduced price since we are an Island Dolphin Care family. :)