There is always someone struggling more than you (me)!

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. I went to see my psychologist yesterday and completely fell apart in her office. Two things are happening... my hormones are all out of balance with my weight loss - which by the way - I'm down to 204. That means I'm only 5 pounds from "one-derland". That also means, and I've never admitted this publicly but - my highest weight was 333 in September 2006 when I decided to go ahead with the surgery. That means my total weight loss so far is 129 pounds.

So, hormones out of balance!! But, add to that: Katie has hit a spell where she isn't sleeping well again and is very "manic". Silly spells that we can't get her out of. Going non-stop in a frantic mode at times... she might need a med adjustment but I hate to go messing with her meds when she starts 2nd grade in just ONE week. A part of me is a tiny bit excited to have Monday and Wednesday mornings for the farm and quiet office work - but a BIG part of me is very sad that the summer is gone. We have done so many great things - but there is so much more that I wanted to do.

Additionally, Gran! She continues to deteriorate daily. Her memory, the dementia, the lack of being able to care for herself, the fact that she is continuing to loose weight on a rapid basis... One of her neighbors found her wandering around outside, confused and disoriented last week. I could make a two-page list of the things that have happened just this week that are scary.

My evenings - every evening - these days is lost to the doggone phone. Between talking to my dad and Marilyn, or talking to the the physical therapist, or the home health care nurse OR Jennifer, the gal that we hired to help with her meds M-F and she also cleans Gran's condo 2x a month and most recently - a social worker that has been trying to help with possible ideas for the future...

Before I know it, my evening is gone and I fall into bed emotionally exhausted. Gran's living conditions (and I wont go into details) are very unsanitary and something has to be done quickly. I've exhausted every in home resource that is financially feasible. She will have to go to a facility with no turning back and it is breaking my heart. We will have to quickly remove the contents of her condo and get it ready for Jack (my great uncle) to sell it.

Then, Don's health... that's been a recent worry. Someone else I care about greatly is having heart problems, which is a big concern. Stress can really wreak havoc on your health. A good friend has a bone condition - baby osteoporosis and is walking with a cane and struggling with pain - she is only 35!!

I've not been managing things well. I can't tell you how our house looks with STUFF for my eBay store. Things that are just waiting to be listed that I literally have NO TIME for. I'm going to loose my powerseller status if this continues.

The older man that I work for - I can't even tell you... he just turned 80 on Sunday and he's doing this HUGE project in Wears Valley. Don is even doing work for him now... he just doesn't slow down. So much work!!!

I can't tell you the last time I cleaned our house. Really cleaned! Thank goodness we are fairly neat people or it would be really bad!! We had friends over Saturday night and I was embarrased about our house.

We have no babysitter! We need to get Katie a tutor! Don's got a HUGE wedding on Saturday that one of his good friends is helping him with. Then, we've got the wedding show on the 12th - a little nervous about that!

Every day, I intend to scrapbook. So therapeutic and so relaxing. But, come 8pm, the thought of journaling when I'm so emotionally exhausted... it ain't happening.

Don went to the farm last night and rode Sunny for over an hour. He said it was so nice - being out there at night -sunset - just him, Sunny, Mary did a lesson.... he felt great - except he was walking a little funny...lol!

Anyway... was feeling blue and overwhelmed. Even had grumpy sleep... where I was grumpy in my sleep and had bad dreams... mainly about Gran. Looks like she will be going to a VA subsidized assisted living on Saturday... for good. No turning back... Dad will be here. Lisa, I guess that puts a kabosh on our plans....?

Now I'm rambling.... point is - I love BLOGS. I love reading blogs of scrapbookers. Seems as though - for the most part - scrapbookers are a very thankful bunch. Focusing on blessings and how great life is! So, when I'm blue, I get lost in SB Blogs - and I came across http://jengallacher.blogspot.com/. She just lost her 12 year old son to colon cancer. SIt was quick - he was diagnosed in December 2006 and only lived until April. Somehow, seemingly, she is doing ok. How can a mom loose a child so tragically and do ok?

Life in 2007 is hard. Technology is suppose to have made things easier and I don't think that is the case at all.

Please keep my gran in your prayers. The upcoming days are going to be very hard. Please also be praying for Katie - that her mood level back out without us having to play with her medicine. That is never good. She's just growing - which makes her a moving target for keeping everything in balance.

More later...
LA