How To Rope A Kick-Ass Life

Truly, I'm going to Barnes & Noble tomorrow to buy this book. You don't have to love horses to see the benefits of this book. It's all about balance... physical, emotional and literal. This is something that I've been working on for months with my therapist. Below is a sample chapter from Cowgirl Smarts: How to Rope a Kick-Ass Life by Ellen Reid Smith.


Chapter Title: Stay Balanced in the Saddle

Life is like riding balanced in the saddle—it requires a lot of practice to acquire, and work to maintain. Once you find your balance, stirrups and even the saddle are unnecessary for balance. Balanced riders look as though they move effortlessly with the horse. In actuality, staying balanced requires stability that comes from your inner core muscles. Riding through life is no different, your stability comes from your inner being. You can spot an unbalanced rider because she will hold onto the saddle horn or pull on the reins to steady herself.

Whether you’re riding a horse or loping down the trail of life, you don’t want to find yourself unbalanced and thrown from the ride of your life. You want to keep a balanced seat that will allow you to move in rhythm with the horse and keep you in control through the inevitable bucks and abrupt stops that life throws your way.

Cowgirl Smarts is about finding and maintaining balance in your life. Whether you’re juggling work and play, eating and drinking in moderation, sharing responsibilities with your spouse or ensuring time for yourself as well as your kids, you need balance. But much like riding, everyone has a different point of equilibrium. What feels right for one rider may not work for another. That’s because only you can define balance. If you’re looking to other riders to find balance, you’re merely copying their posture and that might not yield a balanced seat for you.

Living a kick-ass life requires defining your own sense of balance. Your definition of balance will be the equilibrium between what you want to do and what you have to do. Adele von Ohl Parker was an eccentric cowgirl who lived to be on a horse and in the spotlight. Most outsiders thought Adele had uncanny balance on a horse, but little to none in her life. In fact, many thought she had a loose screw or two. But her friends and students in North Olmstead, Ohio knew otherwise. Adele chose a life of extremes that felt good to her.

If you didn’t know Adele’s background, you might think she was a bit unbalanced yourself. She was raised in New Jersey by aristocratic parents who later lost everything. Her family began importing fine horses into the U.S. in 1682 and supplied valuable scout horses to George Washington during the American Revolution. Their horses were honored in the state seal of New Jersey which features the head of a black stallion.

In 1902, when money was tight, Adele left home to become an actress. Her acting debut in Plainfield, New Jersey was met with stunning reviews that described Adele’s performance as “a triumph.” Though she went on to be one of the highest paid actresses in New York, she was snubbed by society. Actresses in her time were considered secondary citizens. So when Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show came to New York, she didn’t hesitate to combine her love of riding with acting. She quickly became one of the stars of Buffalo Bill’s show.

In 1909, she married Jim Parker who was also a star in Buffalo Bill’s show. Only a year later, the two stared in a new show called “Cheyenne Days” that toured the globe for five years. It was one of the most successful international shows ever produced. Adele performed dangerous horse stunts like picking up gold coins from the arena floor from the side of a galloping horse. Usually she scooped down with her hand, but for theatrics, she’d pick it up with her teeth. She loved stallions with spirit and frequently rode onstage with her horse rearing. These acts terrified musicians in the orchestra pit since Adele didn’t shy from jumping over the pit or even into it. She was a daring horsewoman and the crowds loved her.

When ticket sales for Wild West shows began to lag, Buffalo Bill and Adele parted ways and Adele and her husband moved to Hollywood in 1915. Adele spent almost ten years as an actress, cowboy trainer and stuntwoman for “B” westerns. She built a small barn on a lot in Pasadena and in her spare time taught low-income kids to ride. She called them the Junior Rough Riders. Without proper schools to attend, these boys were illiterate. Adele ensured her students learned the alphabet and arithmetic in payment for their lessons. When asked why she taught children, she relayed a story about riding down a street in Los Angeles when a little girl walked up to her mare Daisy and asked her what it was. It was then she decided to teach children. Combining her love of horses and teaching children gave Adele the balance in life she had always needed.

In 1929, with money short, Adele decided to take her own show on the road, but when she debarked the train in Cleveland, only to find her booking had been cancelled, Adele went back to doing what she loved. The fact that she arrived in Cleveland with seven horses, a rabbit and only 70 cents to her name, didn’t derail Adele’s dream. Adele marched into the nearest soda shop with her pet rabbit. She then called all the newspapers to report a thirsty giant in the soda shop. When reporters arrived, they found her giant rabbit sipping a milkshake and the reporters ate it up. The picture of Adele and her rabbit sharing a milkshake was priceless and it worked to gain publicity for her new Von Ohl School of Riding. She soon purchased a small ranch in North Olmsted just outside of Cleveland and called it The Parker Ranch, or “Paradise” as she later referred to it. Here she taught kids as much about life as she did about riding.

On The Parker Ranch, it wasn’t uncommon to see a group of Indians camping on the lawn, 50 goats from an animal rescue or elephants bathing in the river. She took in all the sick and broken animals that people brought her way. One student remembers entering her house on a cold winter day to find Adele painting a portrait of the donkey standing in her kitchen, while a dog, a cat, a pig and a fawn all slept side-by-side by the fire. Adele could work magic with animals. The Parker Ranch became a gathering place not only for recovering animals, but also for friends spun off from the wild west shows and Hollywood. Trick ropers, clowns, bronc riders and horse trainers would converge on the ranch for impromptu shows. When students arrived at the ranch, they never knew what to expect and that’s what kept them coming back.

Adele taught riding for a dollar a week and kept her wild child alive by ending each semester with a rowdy wild west show. It was a far cry from the $100 a week she made starring in Buffalo Bill’s shows, or her fat Hollywood paychecks, but she reveled in the balance she had created in her life.

Now some would say that Adele’s life was completely out of balance. She’d give all her hay away to save the horses of a broke rancher, even though she had no idea how she’d refill her own barn. She’d loan her last $50 to a laid off cowboy, leaving no money for her own groceries. But somehow she always managed to survive. Hay would be donated, friends would bring food or she’d sell a horse. Worrying about tomorrow wasn’t how Adele lived life. She lived to keep teaching and riding. Her definition of balance was extreme—worry about the horses, the students and the show, everything else will take care of itself.

Even Adele’s house was extreme, but to her there was a balance between riding and housework—as long as she did very little of the latter. With recovering animals in every corner of her house, you can imagine the dirt. Adele would insist a friend have a cup of hot chocolate, and he’d reluctantly accept, knowing the cup was likely to have chili residue in the bottom. For her, keeping a balanced life didn’t put housekeeping high on the list of important chores.

Adele always stayed balanced in the saddle of life. She lived to the rhythm of her own horse’s hoof beats. Because of this, she lived a kick-ass life.

Lessons Learned

I recently asked my seventy-four year old mother if she would do anything differently if she could live her life again. She quickly replied, “I would have cleaned house a little less and gotten out more.” (Thank God it wasn’t genetic.) Adele’s life may sound a bit out of balance to you, but I think women whose housekeeping leaves little time for anything else may be just as unbalanced. I’m not proposing that Cowgirl Smarts means having a dirty house or apartment, but to rope more out of life, you have to find a balance. That dirt on your car won’t make it undrivable. The stain on your daughter’s shirt doesn’t mean you love her any less.

Finding balance means listening to your inner cowgirl. When your cowgirl spirit is busting to get out of the stable, by all means open the door and go for a gallop. But listen just as closely to your more sensible side that knows when kids need a mother’s arms or how to make a house a home. Women with cowgirl smarts listen to both voices in their head and find a balance that’s fulfilling.

If your cowgirl spirit isn’t quite halter broke, you’re probably having some trouble with balance too. Use your cowgirl smarts and develop a discipline to avoid always doing what you want to do, versus what you need to do. Slow down and take responsibility. Riding balanced in the saddle is easier to do at a trot than gallop.

Here are a few ideas for staying balanced in the saddle:
• Increase your fun quotient. Keep a diary for several weeks and track the time you spent doing things you truly love. When you tally up the time spent, what percentage of your waking hours does it represent? If the percentage isn’t acceptable, reevaluate your “have to do” list. Would a cowgirl find these tasks critical? Another source of measurement is your date book or PDA. Are all the entries eat, work or sleep? If so, you need to Cowgirl Up and get a life.
• Learn to make tradeoffs. What would you sacrifice for a good adventure? Money? Swapping babysitting time with a friend? An unmowed yard? It could be something as small as not cleaning the house one week each month, or as important as finding a new job with more reasonable hours. Make the tradeoff for a better, more balanced ride, you’ll be glad you did.
• Change your definition of clean. Whoever told you that the woman with the cleanest house wins, was wrong. Hygiene is important, but distinguish it from compulsive. If you find you’re routinely putting off your family to clean your house, you probably need a new definition of clean or you need to find the cash to hire a maid.
• Don’t be afraid to shed domestic expectations set for women. My mother doesn’t think I own an iron anymore. She thinks telling me this is an insult, but I think it’s a perfect measure of my life in better balance. When you start to buy that linen dress, calculate the ironing time or the laundry fees, then ask yourself if you’d rather use that time/money to have more fun. Start small, it adds up.
• Balance changes with the horse. Like changing horses, each new chapter in life requires adjustment in your balance. Some rides are smooth as silk, others seem to jar your bones. But if you stay balanced in the saddle, you can weather the roughest of rides.
• Life is short, get out and embrace it. There’s no better time to get your life in balance than today. You’ll find lots of excuses not to, because change is tough. Cowgirl Up and start heading down the trail less traveled.