A Minor Setback...

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

If you had talked to me even 24 hours ago, my attitude might not have been so good. I've had quite a setback and I know in the big scheme of things - it's minor... it just doesn't feel very minor.

I landed back in the hospital on Tuesday Jan 2, and that was no easy task. I came in via the ER and my doc had called ahead - but apparently line/wires got crossed and after leaving the ER at 5pm AMA and returning at 7pm via ambulanace - FINALLY at 1am Wednedsday - I was readmitted and received pain meds. This is Wednesday Jan 10th and here I set from Room 534 writing in my blog.

I've finally been able to have ice chips this afternoon. I've been NPO since last Tuesday and I have been on high caloric Total Parental Nutrition...

I have really wrestled with a lot of things emotionally this week. I had this surgery and as a last resort effort to try and gain a handle on my health before turning 40 in 2007. I had a complicated surgery - but I went home and recouperation was proceeding normally. Then, BAM! I end up back here on IV's pumping nutrition, antiobiotics and pain medicine into me. I ALWAYS PLAN FOR THE WORST CASE SCENARIO but somehow, I went into this with attitude that nothing was going to go wrong.

At home those five days - I lost 12 lbs and those pounds are right back on along with 10 more pounds. Everyone tells me that it's fluid retention and that at this point I probably have 30 lbs of fluid weight.... but that's a hard emotional thing to get past.

Now, the PLUS side of things...

I have a husband who has taken such delicate and loving care of me that I can't even put into words how I feel about him. I've always known that he loves me and he knows that I love him but when relationships are put to the test under strain - many time they crumble and ours only seems to strenghthen and I am so very blessed for that!

I had given up a few years agon on finding a true best friend "gal pal" girlfriend. When I lost that relationship with my sister/cousin/person - I didn't think it could ever be somehthing I would have in my life again... well, I was wrong. Our best friends, Rick and Lisa have been AMAZING through this and have offered AND provided much needed help along the way. But, Lisa is truly a friend. I have lots of friends - but to have a TRUE FRIEND that you know deep down in your heart is there for you and to know that you would do your best to be that friend back.... those friendships are not run of the mill, they are not common and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

I was a divorce brat - when I was 16 my parents divorced and my life was never the same. I never felt like my parents were on the same sheet of paper where I was concerned EVER AGAIN until this happened. My mom and beautiful Aunt Linda come flyin' across the mountain to help in my care, to help Don and Katie. Then the day they left - here came my dad and Marilyn. They didn't talk to each other mind you - but it was almost as if they had strategigized.

Aunt Linda had ulcers that closed off her stomach 15+ years ago and she went through a very painful recovery process from that surgery and she was like an angel sent from Heaven when she showed up with my mom. Those nights that her and my mom were with me in the hospital were amazing. I told my mom... "there's nothing like having your mom with you when you are sick - but I got my mom and an angel too!".

THEN, today - the craziest thing in the world happened. Don and I were sitting here in the hospital room at his laptop and in walked a tall man by the name of David Corley. He had a bundle of balloons and and a cute pink stuffed dog and told me that he has family that lives here, he's a friend of my mom's and he stopped in to check on me. Balloon's courtesy of AMEC, my mom's employeer. It turns out - this man is married to a geogoligist and my mom's office, he's a recently ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church of America and he made the trip from Huntersville - Knoxville to just see me! He drove over early this morning and was back this afternoon. Who does that!? The kindest hearted Christian man on the planet, I do believe.

Anyway.... I do have things to mope and complain about. But, I have many, many FAR many more things to be thankful for and that's what I am choosing to focus on from this day forward.

I've always said that "no matter how bad your life seems - you can always find someone doing far worse....". Well, I think things are gonna be A OK!

:) LA