Well, she's here and I've lost 51 pounds

Belle arrived yesterday and come to find out - according to her vet records - she is a Tennessee Walking Horse. This is actually going to be even better than her being a spotted saddle because she is going to be a very comfortable ride with her five gaits. Spotted saddle horses typically only have three gaits.

She arrived well and it was nothing like Sam's arrival. She was calm and immediately started making friends with Oz and Cru. MMMMMM.....? Will we consider breeding her down the road? Possibility. Not too sure Don would go for that. I watched a broodmare giving birth on YouTube the other night and I just sat there and cried. IT was really neat! But, you know me... I'll cry at anything.

Speaking of crying... Boy, did I ever cry with Sam yesterday. I was so excited about Belle's arrival but so very sad to see Sam go. I worked with him so much September-December, the ground work, the round pen work and how could I not get attached to him... but we made the right decision... we never could have safely ridden him. Especially Katie and he was just too short for Don and I.

Speaking of riding... it wont be long before I'll be riding carefree... :) I am down 51 lbs. If I can only loose 20 or so more lbs. before hitting that dreaded plateau. :) I've read that most people that had starting weights around where mine was usually hit a plateau around 70 lbs. and it takes a couple of weeks to get past.

I worked at AC's yesterday for the first time in a month. I'd been working from home while recuperating but yesterday was the first time at his office again. When he saw me... he asked "how long has it been since I saw you? two weeks? your face has really slimmed down... it looks beautiful." You have to understand that AC doesn't throw compliments around... it was nice for him to say.

After leaving AC's - I had a tuna lunch with Don at home and then went to Katie's school to pick her up and then we headed to the farm for Belle's arrival and Sam's departure. Katie played so hard at the farm yesterday - she climbed fences, ran in an open field with Belle (the dog) and played with Coyoty the cat. We left the farm at 4:30 and I was sound asleep last night at 7:30. I slept strait through the night...

I was pooped! :)

More later!
LA :)

Snowmen have hearts? How cool!

Katie's last day at KidsN'Stuff was last Friday. I had planned for her to go another week or two just to give me a little extra time to get stronger but she was struggling with a few mean kids there. Sarah (owner) and Debbie (teacher) would always punish or reprimand these kids (boys) when they were being mean to Katie but there were a few days they called us and she was in tears and unconsolable. So, I wasn't going to keep subjecting her to that.

She is going to have to learn to be strong and not let what other people say to her bother her. In my childhood, I don't remember being picked on or kids being outright mean to me - other than boys being boys. But, Don was chubby and had thick glasses and a speech impetement - so he remembers being picked on all too well.

We are trying so hard to help Katie realize that everyone is different. Even if they seem "normal" on the outside - there is not telling what might be going on that we don't see. We tell her that God made all of us unique, different and special.

Her best friend from pre-school, Jared Grayson, also goes to KidsN'Stuff so Katie is very sad that she wont be seeing him in the afternoons. I am going to try and coordinate with Alesha, his mom, for them to get together occasionally. Jared is an amazing kid. He has a cochlear implant and his speech is VERY delayed but he has a heart of gold and he and Katie just have this bond. Oh yeah, and he's an amazing artist!!

This past summer when Emily got married... after the wedding, Katie was talking about how pretty she was. I told her that one day, she'd be a beautiful bride too. She walked off and did her own thing for about a half hour and came back and announced..."One day, when I'm a grown up and when Jared is a grown up - we will get married". I thought that was precious.

Library day for Katie is on Monday's and she always brings home two books. They are usually books we don't read because the past few months, they've been dinosaur, dragon, fantasy books that have a mean overtone to them and I just refuse to promote that in Katie's immagination.

Sunday night, I asked Katie to get the librarian to help her pick out some great books with nice stories and we would start reading them. Well, she brought home two good books this week. We read one last night and it was about snowmen and how they "come to life each night for a winterfest celebration"...lol! Well, at one point in the story - it was talking about how snowmen have hearts. Katie gasped and squealed, "Snowmen have hearts? How cool!".

She is now calling Don her big cuddly snowman. She insists that I do the same!

Last night was the first night that we all had dinner together. I had pinto beans, boiled chicken and macaroni and cheese. I had like 3 tbsp's of beans, three pasta noodles with melted cheese and two bites of chicken. It was the yummiest food I've had in a month! :)

More later...

LA :)

Well, I weighed yesterday morning and I am down 48 lbs. Don took my measurements on 12/26/06 and then again yesterday and I've lost a total of 15 inches!!!

I made progress yesterday... I ate two servings of tuna and BOY did that ever make me feel better. I also drank some unsweetened tea with sweet and low and BOY did that taste good! I had energy from 9am - midnight! It felt great!!!

Well, before we got any more attached to Sam and now that I am starting to feel like being back out at the farm... we'd been looking online and in the paper for someone who might trade for Sam.

Sometimes, I truly believe that God just works a situation out... I came across a listing two weeks ago for a beautiful Spotted Saddle horse in Science Hill, KY named Belle. The listing stated that she'd been used in therapeutic riding as well as trail riding by adults.

I chatted back and forth with the seller, Connie for the past two weeks. She sent video and pictures. I sent her all the info on Sam - including details of the round pen work I had done with him.

She invited us up to spend the day at her farm yesterday. So, we went. We were actually going to look at several horses that she had for sale with our main interest being Belle.

All three of us immediately fell in love with Belle. She has Sunny's expressive eyes and by the end of the afternoon, she was affectionate with us - just like Sunny. Don rode her for quite a bit... that was fun!

Then Katie rode her bareback on lead line in the barn - she had a huge hallway type area down the middle of the barn. It was amazing... Belle instantly sensed Katie and took slow gentle steps while Katie was on her.

They are bringing Belle to us on Tuesday and picking up Mr. Sam. Katie and I shed some tears last night over Sam going away... but they are going to work with him and find him just the right home. I don't think I ever would have let Katie get on Sam.

So, now in a month or so... Don and I will be able to go trail riding together. Katie and I can go to the farm on the weekends and she can ride Belle (on a saddle) with me managing it lead line.

Sunny will still be my horse, my pride and joy. I will still go to the farm by myself on Mon, Wed & Fri's that I don't have doctors appointments or anything and work with Sunny. But now, Don and Katie will have a horse that they can work with. When Don gets below 200 - he and Katie can ride Belle double. She's use to that.

More later...

LA :)

Mom, Are Your Sure You Still Know How To Drive?

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am down 48lbs. I'm still really struggling getting in a full 60g's of protein daily. I can't open the refrigerator door without gagging. I'm worried that I've developed a total food aversion. One day at a time...

Yesterday was a very good day! We had to take the Blazer in for service and repair (thank goodness for warranties). The three of us went to the farm in the afternoon to spend time with Sunny. She was so happy to see us. WOW, the attention she got. All three of us were grooming her at once. She almost fell asleep when I was rubbing her ears...keep in mind that "most" horses don't like for you to rub their ears.

Don rode her. We didn't have her halter and bit so he thought he'd just try neck reining her. Boy, was that funny. I told him that I didn't think he should do it... but he thought with Sunny's calm nature - it'd be fine. He mounted her and he'd walk her a little bit and every time he'd turn her - she was like "yeah? ok, let's go" and she'd start to take off. Don was always like "Leeann, I need your help". Katie and I were laughing so hard. After three times of this happening... Don decided that it was time to get off.

When I connected the lead line back to Sunny's halter... I was rubbing her neck and telling her what a good girl she was and she put her nose right on my cheek and just stayed there... she is so loving.

Well, back to the title of this posting... when we went to take the Blazer in yesterday morning, when Katie and I got into the truck, as I was putting it in reverse... Katie said "hold on mom, you haven't forgotten how to drive have you?". This was only the 2nd time I'd driven since my surgery. I said "no, Katie, I haven't forgotten how - I wouldn't be driving with you in the truck with me if I had". As I started backing up..."Mom, are you really sure?"

Bless her heart - this whole thing has been hard on her. When we were at the farm yesterday - she came running up beside me and grabbed my hand and said "Mom, I miss you". I said, "Katie, I'm right here". She said "NO, I missED you... I missed you so much when you were in the hospital."

Every night since I've been home, she has to cuddle with me to go to sleep. That is ok by me... goodness knows I missed cuddling with her when I was in the hospital!

More later...

LA :)

PS - Today is my one month anniversary!!! I had my surgery Dec 27th!

The numbers continue to fall

I love this canvass art display that I made in Courtney's class (soofcourse.blogspot.com). She is so talented and her classes are always so much fun. Lisa went with me and I can't wait to see how hers turned out.

Well, I weighed this morning since it's Wednesday and I am down a total of 45lbs. That is very exciting!!! I also walked almost a mile today! Don is down 18lbs.

However, I've hit another roadblock. I dry heaved twice yesterday. I was very scary... and not very comfortable. Apparently, this is a common thing that happens and it happens for a variety of reasons. I guess I just have to take phenigrin and move on. It just kind of zapped me physically and then it's like starting over with fluids, etc.

I daydream about tomorrow a lot! "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow"... right!?

LA :)

The heart is for mommy... I'll keep the skittles

Don and Katie headed off to Walgreen's a little bit ago to get a humidifier. When they were walking through Walgreen's... Katie gasped and said "Dad, come here, you have to see this!!!" When Don saw what she was so excited about, it was a valentine heart with skittles on the inside.

Katie's idea was to give me the heart (which was very sweet) and she could keep the skittles [laughing]. You gotta give her credit for trying.

Still struggling on getting all that protein in... each day gets a little better. I can see why you aren't suppose to weigh everyday because I am looking forward to seeing those numbers on Wednesday.

I'm off to go scrapbook and do laundry with Don's help. Katie is going to do art and scrapbook with me.

More later...
LA :)

41 Pounds & Counting

YAY!!! 41 pounds... I'm very excited. All my clothes are starting to be baggy and the clothes I couldn't wear before are now starting to fit.

With Don's patient help and over the phone support from Mom and MomMom, I have made it over the hump with eating some. I've eaten 1/2 scrambled egg with protein powder and the pureed chicken.

I am going to a scrapbook class today with Lisa. I am looking forward to getting out and doing something fun. Lisa and I always have fun together!

More later...
LA :)

On My Weigh

Wow, this past week has been a roller-coaster of emotions. I have lost 36 pounds since my pre-surgery weight at Christmas. I saw Dr. Boyce yesterday and got my JP Drain removed.... YAY!!! Talk about a funny feeling though... it left me feeling "oogie" for several hours... BUT IT'S GONE!!!! No more wrapping up in saran wrap for showers. No more stripping and emptying the drain (for Don). I can't tell you the freedom I feel with that gone!

Dr. Boyce and Sarah, his RN were so pleased about my weight loss. AND Dr. Boyce says I still have fluid weight from the hospital nutrition and IV's to loose. He said that I've lost 11% of my body weight.

I can't tell you what an amazing physician he is. He is such a rare MD in today's world. He's compassionate and caring and SO VERY professional. I didn't think it was possible for surgeons to be that way.

He laughed and joked with Don and congratulated him on his 16lbs of weight loss.

We got to pick Sophie and Hogan up right after my appointment. I was much more at ease with them coming home with that JP Drain gone. Sophie did the residential dog obedience that Hogan did... we figured if we were paying the money for her to be boarded... we might as well pay the extra and have it pay off.

Well, I think it did. She is so well mannered now. You walk her on the leash and the minute you stop - she stops and sits at your left leg. If you approach a door, she sits and waits for you to enter and then she follows.

I have had the "weepies" this week though. Which continues to be frustrating to me. I'm thankful that I came through the complications so well, I'm thankful for my husband and daughter, I'm thankful for my family and friends who were SUCH a big help... I am thankful for my life!! Yet, at 10pm, I'll get hungry and I start crying. I'll get so frustrated at myself for having let it get to the point that I had to do something so drastic...

I did advance to the pureed section of the diet today and it was very hard. I gag at the protein drinks. I gag at the thought of protein... which is definitely not a good thing since I have to have 60g's of it daily. I think I've developed a slight food aversion because of being upset at what I had let happen to myself and I think the protein drink thing is because that is the last thing I drank before I thought I was dying... I truly did think I was dying. My entire abdomen was on fire and my diaphragm was constricted and I couldn't breath.

Anyway, I did eat 1/2 tsp of peanut butter this afternoon and I finally found something that I could eat without gagging tonight. Pureed chicken salad... like the kind that I would always eat with MomMom on whole wheat bread... as we'd sit at the kitchen table and talk and laugh. I think the memory of doing that with MomMom drastically helped me eat it. I feel so much better... I'd gone 7 days with no protein. YIKES!

Don's trying to walk that fine line of being loving husband and food/water police. I know that has been tough on him... he's just been amazing through this all.

Well... more in the next day or two.

LA :)

Dreaming of My Sunny Girl

OK, that commercial completely represents Sunny. She is definitely the BOSS mare in the pasture. However, with me - she is calm, sweet, loving and AWESOME! I got released from the hospital at 4:40pm this past Friday and Don and I went and picked up Katie and drove down the farm - we didn't pass GO, we didn't collect $200 (unfortunately) - we drove strait to the farm. :)

I still have my JP Drain in so I didn't get out of the car. While I have this yucky drain - I wont get out at the farm because I don't want to risk additional infection.

Pathetically, I rolled down the car window and talked to Sunny across the pasture. She stopped dead in her tracks and just looked at us the whole time we were there. She couldn't come closer because Mary has the pasture divided up the middle for the winter. But she didn't move the whole time we were there. It actually broke my heart a little - I wanted to go trudging through the mud and wrap my arms around her neck.

Right before my surgery when Dad and Marilyn were here for Christmas - I took them down to show them the farm with Katie. I groomed Sunny really good and took her into the riding arena but didn't ride her. I just got her to run and MAN DID SHE PUT ON A SHOW!!!! It was almost like she did that to give me a gift. It was the last time I was with her before my surgery.

That gift is in my dreams. When I've had a blue day and been sad (which has been often during this recovery), I literally close my eyes and see my Sunny girl prancing around that arena and then thundering toward me and stopping on a dime - nostrils flaring... just like a show horse.

She was elegant and beautiful that day. Her coat is thick and full and almost a chestnut brown for the winter. Her poor sunburned nose has healed and has soft velvet white fur covering it completely. I had brushed her mane out really well and conditioned it and it just blew in the breeze.

I dream of grooming her, tacking her and riding her soon. I can close my eyes and take a deep breath in and smell the leather in the tack room. I love that smell. There is actually no smell or sensation that I don't miss at the farm.

I even miss my skittish Sam! I'm anxious for the challenges that lie ahead in working with him and bringing out the cute personality that I've seen glimpses of. Mary is our trainer and she's just amazing. She's probably one of the few people in the world that can fuss at me and I don't get mad at her. ;)

She is so young but SO KNOWLEDGEABLE. I've joked telling my friends and family how much I love being around her. There have been a few Friday's that I've been down there hanging out - waiting for the farrier or whatever and I feel like a little girl following her around... just wanting to suck up all her horse knowledge.

I never really realized how I thrived off of sensory stimulation. Being at the farm or at STAR benefits Katie in so many ways - but especially her senses. I've come to realize in missing the farm so much... that is one thing I drastically miss as well. It stimulates my senses as well. I also think it stimulates my LOVE FOR LIFE!!!

A Minor Setback...

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

If you had talked to me even 24 hours ago, my attitude might not have been so good. I've had quite a setback and I know in the big scheme of things - it's minor... it just doesn't feel very minor.

I landed back in the hospital on Tuesday Jan 2, and that was no easy task. I came in via the ER and my doc had called ahead - but apparently line/wires got crossed and after leaving the ER at 5pm AMA and returning at 7pm via ambulanace - FINALLY at 1am Wednedsday - I was readmitted and received pain meds. This is Wednesday Jan 10th and here I set from Room 534 writing in my blog.

I've finally been able to have ice chips this afternoon. I've been NPO since last Tuesday and I have been on high caloric Total Parental Nutrition...

I have really wrestled with a lot of things emotionally this week. I had this surgery and as a last resort effort to try and gain a handle on my health before turning 40 in 2007. I had a complicated surgery - but I went home and recouperation was proceeding normally. Then, BAM! I end up back here on IV's pumping nutrition, antiobiotics and pain medicine into me. I ALWAYS PLAN FOR THE WORST CASE SCENARIO but somehow, I went into this with attitude that nothing was going to go wrong.

At home those five days - I lost 12 lbs and those pounds are right back on along with 10 more pounds. Everyone tells me that it's fluid retention and that at this point I probably have 30 lbs of fluid weight.... but that's a hard emotional thing to get past.

Now, the PLUS side of things...

I have a husband who has taken such delicate and loving care of me that I can't even put into words how I feel about him. I've always known that he loves me and he knows that I love him but when relationships are put to the test under strain - many time they crumble and ours only seems to strenghthen and I am so very blessed for that!

I had given up a few years agon on finding a true best friend "gal pal" girlfriend. When I lost that relationship with my sister/cousin/person - I didn't think it could ever be somehthing I would have in my life again... well, I was wrong. Our best friends, Rick and Lisa have been AMAZING through this and have offered AND provided much needed help along the way. But, Lisa is truly a friend. I have lots of friends - but to have a TRUE FRIEND that you know deep down in your heart is there for you and to know that you would do your best to be that friend back.... those friendships are not run of the mill, they are not common and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

I was a divorce brat - when I was 16 my parents divorced and my life was never the same. I never felt like my parents were on the same sheet of paper where I was concerned EVER AGAIN until this happened. My mom and beautiful Aunt Linda come flyin' across the mountain to help in my care, to help Don and Katie. Then the day they left - here came my dad and Marilyn. They didn't talk to each other mind you - but it was almost as if they had strategigized.

Aunt Linda had ulcers that closed off her stomach 15+ years ago and she went through a very painful recovery process from that surgery and she was like an angel sent from Heaven when she showed up with my mom. Those nights that her and my mom were with me in the hospital were amazing. I told my mom... "there's nothing like having your mom with you when you are sick - but I got my mom and an angel too!".

THEN, today - the craziest thing in the world happened. Don and I were sitting here in the hospital room at his laptop and in walked a tall man by the name of David Corley. He had a bundle of balloons and and a cute pink stuffed dog and told me that he has family that lives here, he's a friend of my mom's and he stopped in to check on me. Balloon's courtesy of AMEC, my mom's employeer. It turns out - this man is married to a geogoligist and my mom's office, he's a recently ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church of America and he made the trip from Huntersville - Knoxville to just see me! He drove over early this morning and was back this afternoon. Who does that!? The kindest hearted Christian man on the planet, I do believe.

Anyway.... I do have things to mope and complain about. But, I have many, many FAR many more things to be thankful for and that's what I am choosing to focus on from this day forward.

I've always said that "no matter how bad your life seems - you can always find someone doing far worse....". Well, I think things are gonna be A OK!

:) LA