Making Myself A Priority Is Hard

I feel like I've totally lost control of my schedule and time management the past couple of weeks. Since Gran got sick - I've totally stopped taking care of myself and making my health and this journey with weight loss a top priority - not to mention the other things that are important in my life like time with Katie and Don, etc.

It's been a busy work time as well since it's tax season. "You know who" always, always waits until the last minute to try and get a handle on things for April 15th, and that's just for his estimate since he always files an extension. Then we always go through it ALL OVER AGAIN in late September. I'm never able to try and get ahead on things with him either because he has SO MUCH going on... now this huge development in Sevierville! *sigh*

Then all this stuff with Gran... we've been worried about her declining memory for months but her health deteriorating so quickly was something that we were not prepared for. It's amazing that she was able to fight off all the infections her body was fighting two weeks ago.

She has congestive heart failure, she had a mild a heart attack, she's developed chronic atrial fibrillation, she had double pneumonia, an antiobiotic resistant kidney infection and a severe infection in her lower left leg that subsides and comes back.

We were told today that she can no longer take care of herself - that she will require 24/7 care. This is devastating. And - I hate to sound selfish but it's going to be devastating to her and to me.

I can't imagine giving up independence and being faced with life in a nursing home and I KNOW it's going to be so hard for her but it's going to be miserable for us as well.

She's not an easy to care for patient - it will be difficult to establish relationships with the caregivers... I'm just completely overwhelmed.

BUT, the point to this posting is - no matter how much I love her and no matter how hard this is going to be... I have to make taking care of myself a priority.

I had an appointment with Kelly - the exercise physiologist and Sandy - the dietician today that I postponed until April 23rd. I knew if I went in with my exercise journal being empty since the second week of March - I would have been in BIG trouble and I just couldn't face that today.

So, today, Don and I went to the gym in the pouring rain and got our happy butts on the treadmill and walked almost 2 miles in 35 minutes. This has got to be a daily (6x a week) for me whether it's at the gym or in the park with Hogan or Sophie. Hopefully, getting back on track with exercising and focusing on my complex carb intake will help me get off this dog gone plateau.

I get so overwhelmed!!! I haven't done anything fun with Katie in weeks. We didn't even "do" easter this year - no eggs, no basket, no nothing!

I guess I'm done complaining tonight... *sigh*.

I'll try to think positive. AND hopefully, no bad dreams tonight!

More later!
LA :)