Enough is Enough, Damn It!

My friend Lisa said right after the holidays "Enough is Enough" and that was it!  She put eating crap in the past and has since lost quite a bit of weight and looks phenomenal!!  Her willpower has been steadfast and her exercise routine has been reliable!!  I remember thinking "I'm just not there... I want to be there... but I just can't yet!!!"  What the heck!!?  Why not!?  Because I was enjoying eating lunch out with Don while Katie is in school and we were eating takeout while watching our favorite shows after Katie goes to bed... ARGGGHHHHH!!!

I did not go through what I went through to loose 142 pounds to slowly watch it come back on!!  Every piece of clothing I own is a 14/16 or a 16 and my 16's are tight!!

I have said for several years that nothing makes me more aware of my weight than riding!  Everytime I get on Lakota's back, I'm very aware of my weight!  My weight which has slowly crept back up to 210!!  I can't believe it!!  I was furious at myself this morning but I have to move past it!!  Beating myself up about it isn't going to fix it!  Never has, never will!

There is just shame involved when you've gone through so much to loose weight, been successful and then have it come back on!!  Any of it!!  I felt ashamed when I regained FOUR pounds but now it's time to STOP!!!

I'm still 123 pounds lighter than I was in December 2006... but I am determined to get to my goal weight!!

So, Body Bugg's are back on Don and I both this morning!  I'm going to count every calorie that goes in and log every calorie I burn!!  That's the only way that works for me... I have to be accountible other wise... "oh, this is only 200 calories... it won't make that big of a difference" and then BAM!  It does make a difference!!

So, we haven't watched this past season of Biggest Loser other than the first episode.  I know Helen won but it will hopefully still be inspirational to watch every day... we downloaded it on iTunes and there are 19 episodes if we start over from the beginning.  It takes 21 days for something to be habit so surely if we are determined, watch Biggest Loser every day for 19 days... by then we will be well on our way to staying on track!!

I plan to walk 3 miles every morning and then try to be as active as possible the rest of the day.  On days when I've sat on my but in front of the computer, I will do the elliptical or some other exercise in the evening!

My family doctor set my goal weight at 160 and said we'd re-evaluate when I got to that point.  That means that I have 50 pounds to loose... instead of the 29 I had to loose in January 2008 when I was at my lowest weight of 189.

I'm an emotional eater and having WLS didn't cure that!  I'm reading Bob Harper's book "Are You Ready" and he talks so much about getting to the emotional core and finding other things to replace it with... so that's what I have to do!!  That's what I must do to stop this horrible cycle!!

So, no more beating my self up... just "Enough is Enough!!"  Time to do it and stop making excuses.

My family and friends helped keep me encouraged during 2007 when I struggled a lot after complications from the WLS.  I'm counting on ya'll to help keep me encouraged this time too!  Also, Don!  It's so CRUCIAL for him... he's turning 45 this year and his father died at 47.  I do not want to loose him to something that could have been prevented!  Food is a tool... not a reward or something!!  We need to start looking at anything other than healthy foods as poison!!

Totally in love with my Lakota and I know he'd appreciate me getting serious and getting to my goal weight!!  So would my friends and family so I'll stop whining about it!

Enough!!